Actors:

I

Big Man Behind Counter (Al)

Second Man (Marty)

Setting: Gas Stop

I: (Walks around scratching head and speaking to audience) It was a Friday morning, quite early as a matter of fact. About 6:45 in the morning, in the first week of June. I left the cottage twenty minutes before and headed into Hunts-ville to do my washing, make a phone call to Toronto, and to eat, and then get back to the lake. I pulled into the first gas stop that was open to grab a coffee to go, to wake me up and get the grogginess out of my head. As I got out of the truck, I noticed a pickup parked along the front curb in front of the pumps. It had a trailer on the back full of small wire cages and the back of the pickup was built up, so that it contained cages, too. The cages were full of pigeons. (Sound of pigeons cooing) I stopped in front of the cages and looked in. The birds were cooing, some pecking at others, some ducking from others, and others just standing there.

I went into the gas stop. There was a big man behind the counter. I could see he had shaved already and looked alert.

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Coffee?

I: Yes, to go please.

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Lookin’ at them birds, huh?

I: Yeah, sure are a lot of them.

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Yup. Three thousand of them. Goin’ further north. ’Bout two hundred mile from here. Come from Windsor. Racin’ out to there tomorrow mornin’.

I: That’s a long way.

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Just over six hundred mile. They’d go further, but that’s all they’re ’llowed. Fly back from any place.

I: That’s all!

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Yup. That’s all they’re ’llowed.

SECOND MAN: Man’s a stupid animal.

I: What else is new?

SECOND MAN: Well I been thinkin’ ’bout this for some time. We don’t got no instincts. Not like them birds.

I: What about sex?

SECOND MAN: I hadn’t thought o’ that one. Thas one we got. Thas all. Thas oh-nnie one. Them birds though, they got it. I been thinkin’ on this. Them critters got it. We ain’t.

I: Guess so.

SECOND MAN: Take them beavers. They’s got it. Buildin’ them dams. Them beavers got it. We ain’t got it. ’Ceptin’ sex, as you says. I hadn’t thought o’ that one though.

I: Guess so.

SECOND MAN: Take them birds. Buildin’ them nests. Nobody’s showed ’em. They’s got instinct. Them bees, too. They’s got it. Makin’ them honeycombs. They got it. The animals got it. We don’t got it. I been thinkin’ on this an’ I know we don’t got it.

I: Guess we don’t.

SECOND MAN: Take them moose. They some critter. One time one comes walkin’ through here right ’tween them pumps. (Motions out towards the pumps) An’ you know’d when t’was? You know when t’was?

I: No, I don’t know when it was.

SECOND MAN: Was day after huntin’ season closes. Weren’t it, Al? Ain’t that so, Al? You tell ’im, Al. Ain’t that so? Day after huntin’ closes that moose he comes waltzin’ right in here like he’s king and he knows it’s over an’ we can’t shoot ’im. Legal anyways. Ain’t that so, Al?

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: That’s so Marty. He walked right between them pumps out there and looked right in at Marty an’ me, like he was grinnin’ and laughin’ at us ’cause he knew.

SECOND MAN: What I tell ya? Thas instinct for ya. He don’t needa read. He knows. He just knows. Thas instinct.

I: Guess it is.

SECOND MAN: We thinks we’re smart. We ain’t got it. We gotta read ta know when season’s open an’ when season’s closin’. Moose don’t. If’n a moose could read he’d know we ain’t got it. Could ya ’magine a moose comin’ ’tween them pumps with his bifocals on an’ readin’ a manual an’ sayin’ ta hiss-self, "I kin walk through them pumps today, and yesserday I couldn’t, an’ I was here all the time readin’ my manual in the bush, while them hunters going ’round lookin’ for me?" Kin ya ’magine, kin ya?

I: No, I can’t.

SECOND MAN: Thas right, mister. He don’t need no manual. He don’t need nothin’. He got instinct. An’ he knows it. Yep, he knows it. An’ we ain’t got it. Thas what I been tellin’ ya. See what I mean? We ain’t got it.

I: Guess not.

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Twenty-five cents.

I: Double sugar?

BIG MAN BEHIND COUNTER: Double sugar.